Baby Doodies is One!

I can't believe my little pumpkin Levi is turning one on Friday. What a difference a year makes. Seems like yesterday we were Isaac was painting the nursery and dumping an entire bucket of blue paint on my brand new carpet.



Although the whole labor and delivery is a little fuzzy, I'll try my hardest to recap the day Levi Benjamin was born.

A few weeks leading up to the birth I started getting awful migraines. My blood pressure had been pretty high through my entire pregnancy and I was seriously swollen. My doctor was monitoring me almost twice a week by this point. Every time I went in for my routine checkup she would end up sending me to the hospital because I was at risk for preeclampsia. It got to the point where I just expected to go to the hospital. After hours of being hooked up to machines they would let me go home and tell me to take it easy. Don't worry Doc, I can hardly make it up the stairs without having a heart attack, I won't be running any marathons tomorrow.

On June 21st I went in for usual checkup and the first thing the doctor says to me is "WOW you look wayyyy to swollen. We are going to send you back to the hospital and chances are you will have a baby by tomorrow. I can't risk having him in that environment any longer."

If you are wondering where Isaac was through all of this, he was at work. It got a little tiring driving to the doctors office all the time and I figured I would be fine, that I would call if there was a problem. I told him he just needed to keep his phone close in case something did happen and I needed to get a hold of him. Since the doctor told me I would have the baby by tomorrow I figured that was pretty big news and warranted a phone call to my baby daddy.

"You have reached the voice messaging system of Isaac Jacobson..."

Seriously? I give him one job and that was to keep his phone close in case I was going to have the baby. 75 more calls and still nothing. At this point I'm so mad I don't even care if he makes it for the birth because if he thinks I'm mad now just wait until I'm actually having contractions. I check myself into the hospital and get all these looks from the nurses like "poor thing, doesn't have anyone to help her." About an hour later Isaac finally called me back...

"WHY ARE YOU NOT PICKING UP YOUR PHONE!!!"

" Baby, you know I play ultimate Frisbee at lunch."

I'll spare you the rest of the details of this conversation but lets just say he made record time getting to the hospital after we hung up.

We spent the night in the hospital and at 3:00 am the doctor came in to break my water and get the whole delivery process started. Thank goodness for 16 and pregnant otherwise I wouldn't have known what "pitocin" was. If you don't know, it's a labor inducing drug that makes your contractions feel 100 times worse. I never really planned on having a natural birth but was open to the idea depending on how bad the contractions hurt. It was a one and done kind of deal. I felt one and immediately paged the nurse to get me the juice. They send in this Anesthesiologist that is straight off of Greys Anatomy. We're talking Dr. McSteamy kind of guy. Thanks. I'm sitting here with throw up all over my face, sweating from the blood pressure medicine and you have to call in this guy? Whatever. This is when things start to get a little fuzzy for me. I got my epidural, fell asleep for like 2 hours, woke up and it was time to push. Isaac had the job of holding cold towels on my head and his mom was my Lamaze coach. They were a great entourage. I told Isaac if he looked south he was really going to get it so his view was actually on the wall behind my head. I pushed for about 45 minuets and out popped the most precious little boy I had ever seen.

Levi Benjamin Jacobson



I've been kind of an emotional wreck all week because I can't believe how fast the time has gone. He will be driving before I know it. I'm also kind of glad I don't have to refer to his age in months anymore. He is one year old. This has nothing to do with the fact that I am horrible at math and the older he gets the harder it is for me to add up the months. Side note: My dad jokes with me about how I have a degree in finance (I don't have a degree in finance). He came out to Oklahoma for my college graduation and the day before I was supposed to walk I had to take my very last final ever. It just so happened to be a freshmen level finance course that I had been putting off for four  five years. After I left the test they let me take a copy of the final with me and when I got back to my house I showed it to my dad and he just gave me this look like "Great, there is no way she passed this. Looks like I'll be paying for 6 years of college." Looking back it probably wasn't the best idea to watch the entire Lord of the Rings trilogy the night before my test but I digress. In case you are wondering, I passed.

So to make a long story short...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LITTLE DOODIES! We love you so so so much.



A moment of Master Cleanse

So it's been a hot minuet since I updated the blog. I knew this would happen. I've been using all my creative energy trying to figure out what to feed my kid that he won't throw on the floor to the dogs. I've also been using that creative energy trying to get him to sleep through the night. He was doing great for a little while and now he's pulling this trick where he gets up at 3:00, 3:45, 4:30 and then for good at 6:00. My solution was this...



"Don't make me come in there!!!"



Unfortunately for me he thought this was hysterical and stayed awake for another hour. I remember telling myself the first few nights after Levi was born how things were going to get better and that a year from now I wouldn't have to be up at all hours of the night trying to get him back to sleep. That's funny. Levi will turn one on June 22nd and the light at the end of the tunnel isn't shining so bright. By the time I figure out the magic of getting him to sleep through the night I'll probably have another baby to deal with.

Since I last updated the blog things have been pretty busy. My dad came to visit from NY, my sister-in-law got married, I finally learned how to curl my hair with a flat iron. Good times. Also, back in January Isaac and a couple friends decided to see who could lose the most weight by Memorial Day weekend. A weight loss challenge if you will. Isaac exercises every day and is very athletic. I get my exercise skimming the pages of SELF magazine and cutting out pictures of abs that I want. Anyways, he took the challenge very seriously and even ran his first half marathon at the end of April. The week before weigh ins he decided he wasn't happy with his weight loss results and I suggested trying the Master Cleanse. I may not know much about weight lifting or squats to shed the lbs but I am very knowledgeable on the subject of celebrity weight loss secrets and Gweneth Paltrow told me the Master Cleanse works like a charm. The Master Cleanse is also called The Lemonade Diet. You basically squeeze fresh lemons into water, add a little maple syrup and cayenne pepper and drink this potion for a couple weeks. We decided to give it a go. Monday morning I was sending Isaac off to work with his bag of lemons hidden in a black reusable grocery bag. By about 11:00 these were some texts I was getting.

I was a little more concerned about getting my hands on that green Bentley driving in front of me. Anyways. I didn't hear much from Isaac the rest of the day so I figured things were going fine. By the time he got home from work he went straight for the pantry and immediately ripped into a bag of flaming hot Cheetos shredding the bag like the incredible hulk shreds his shirts. I was just waiting for him to turn green. He gave me a look like "thanks for trying to murder me today." I guess going without food for a few hours really had a negative effect on his mood.

And that was the end of the master cleanse.

Now I just have to figure out what to do with the 4000 lemons Isaac bought.



"I'll eat em."





RIP Bobby Leach (1911)

I always love this time of year. Nice weather, laying out by the pool, being able to run outside...I love it all. It reminds me of being in high school or college when finals were over and I had the entire summer to blow doing whatever I pleased.

The summer after Isaac graduated from OSU we decided to take a road trip to my home town in New York. He had a few weeks to kill before he was going to start working and  I am had a few weeks to kill before summer school started (4 years just didn't seem like enough).

If you ever want to test your relationship with a person try traveling 20+ hours in a car with them.



Typical.



I won't go into to much detail about the car ride. As you can imagine, it wasn't all that exciting. 3 hours in and Isaac was seriously questioning why he was dating a girl who only had Britney Spears and the Grease soundtrack on her ipod play lists. He didn't appreciate my interpretive dancing that went along to the songs either.

The entire trip Isaac kept telling me how he wanted to make a pit stop at Niagara Falls. He had never been and was pretty curious to see what all the fuss was about. Growing up in upstate NY, Niagara Falls was no big deal. I had been a thousand times. Needless to say I was a little less than excited about delaying our 20 hour trip any longer. By the time we hit Pennsylvania I caved and told him we could stop and check it out. 30 minuets max.

These are a few pictures from out time spent at the lovely Niagara Falls.



Riding the Maid of the Mist under the falls.



The Maid of the Mist is a boat that takes you really close to the falls. The millions of tons of water spray up mist that washes off your makeup and makes your hair flat which obviously makes for a great photo opt. Isaac was fascinated with the falls. This is no joke. He stared at them for hours as I kept checking my watch wondering when we could leave and hit up Applebees. He even stated that when he gets old enough to retire he wants to get a part time job as a crew member on the Maid of the Mist, preferably the guy who throws the anchor around the giant column at the dock. Yes, he was serious.
I finally get Isaac off the boat and just as I think we are about to head back to the car and get this show on the road he tells me he wants to stop in the gift shop. ugh. If you are curious about what he bought in the gift shop just take a look at the first picture in this series. Maid of the Mist sweatshirt? Don't mind if I do! That sweatshirt conveniently went missing a few months later.

If you want some interesting reading material about Niagara Falls here is a website about the people who hurled themselves over the edge in barrels. I like the story about Bobby Leach who survived the falls and later died from injuries sustained after slipping on an orange peel.

http://www.fogonazos.es/2007/06/niagara-falls-daredevils.html

"Looks like we'll be having frozen pizza for dinner again..."

Does anyone else HATE grocery shopping? I despise it. I've mentioned before that I am pretty unorganized so making a shopping list is out of the question. Don't get me wrong I've made plenty of lists. I usually just forget them on the counter or leave them in the car which has happened so many times I just stopped making them.

Grocery shopping was something I struggled with before Levi was born so you can imagine how productive I am now that I have a kid with me. Our trips to the store go a little something like this.

We pull into the Walmart parking lot and I immediately start itching. I like to think of myself as more of a Wholefoods type of girl but Isaac thinks organic is BS and too expensive (plus Wholefoods is an extra 20 minuet drive). I get the baby out of the car and attempt to put him into a shopping cart. He is usually kicking and wiggling his legs so much that it takes 4 attempts to get him into the seat. Of course I picked the cart that sounds like it was made in the 1920's with the wheel that's ready to fall off. Next stop is the cart sanitizing station. I'm like Howie Mandel when it comes to germs so it takes me about 3 minuets to wipe down the cart with disinfectant wipes.

First up is the produce section. I grab an onion and continue on my merry way.

Next we go to the frozen entree section. I patiently wait for the woman in front of me to grab her lean cuisines and get out of my way. I went through a phase after Levi was born where all I ate was Lean Cuisine eggrolls. It was the only thing that sounded appetizing and I obviously had about a 3rd grader to lose in weight so I stocked the fridge with them. Just a little tip for people trying to lose weight. Lean Cuisines don't work if you eat 5 at a time. It's finally my turn to browse the Lean Cuisines and I'm pissed because the glass window is all fogged up. Standing there shaking from all the cold air blasting into my face it takes me 6 minuets to discover that the lady before me got the last of the eggrolls. Ugh.

Strolling through the aisles I grab some chicken broth, can of Rotel, couple bags of string cheese, baked lays and whatever is left of the Chobani selection all the while making a mental note "Do not forget scotch tape do not forget scotch tape do not forget scotch tape..."

20 painful minuets later and a kid who is about to have a meltdown I'm ready to check out. I pick the line that takes an hour to get through which is actually not a bad thing because it gives me some time to brush up on the news. I was really happy to learn Jessica Simpson finally had that baby. She was pregnant for like 2 years (side note: I was talking to my sister Brooke that night and she informs me that Jessica is in fact STILL pregnant. US Weekly totally made this story up).

So we get home and I'm ready to get started on dinner. Looks like we'll be having some chicken broth soup with sliced onions to jazz it up! Side of Baked Lays? Don't mind if I do! Isaac really hit the jackpot marrying me huh? Yesterday was actually his birthday so I go to wrap his gift and realize I FORGOT THE SCOTCH TAPE. Seriously?



Ripped from the pages of Martha Stewart, right Brooke?



That night as I'm going to sleep I get a text message from an unknown number. This is what is says.

Keep your $ scam artist! I'm never going back!



If any of you nice folks want to redeem my $1000 gift card feel free. Just make sure you add your Social Security number so that when they are stealing your identity they don't have to go through to much trouble. 

Function Before Fashion

I had a slight meltdown on Friday.

Have you ever seen the episode of Bethany Ever After where she is trying to get the baby toy out of its box? After much ripping/kicking/crying she freaks out and screams "WHY DO THEY MAKE THESE THINGS SO HARD TO OPEN!!!"

This is my life.
                                                            
I had always heard people say that you should make sure you know how to open and close your baby strollers before you get someplace because you don't want to be stranded somewhere and not be able to get your stroller back into your car. There is an episode of Pregnant in Heels where a NYC mom-to-be has about 8 different strollers, one for every occasion. This may sound a little ridiculous but I see where she is coming from. I needed that many strollers too. Isaac put his foot down and I ended up with two. Back to my story. Rosie Pope (pregnancy concierge and expert on all things baby) does an exercise with this woman where she makes her open and close all the strollers. The woman fails miserably as I sit there snickering at my TV screen. What an idiot. Who can't open and close baby strollers?

Me.

I guess half the problem with not being able to open and close them is I decided to buy the cute strollers that matched my outfits instead of the practical ones. Fashion before function right? Wrong. This golden rule does not apply to baby items. I learned that the hard way. Needless to say I have issues opening and closing my strollers. I even had to YouTube how to open my everyday stroller because I couldn't figure it out and Isaac wasn't around to show me for the 5th time.

My first experience with the jogger went a little something like this. I get to the park motivated and ready to run. I needed to hurry up because my window of being productive was slowly closing in on me. I get the jogger out of the trunk and make my first attempt at opening it. Push this, pull that, give a little kick. Nothing. Four more attempts and still nothing. Its hot out, I'm sweating and I can feel the eyes of all the other judgemental moms at Mitch Park burning a hole through my head. 15 failed attempts later I decided to swallow my pride and call Isaac. Surely he can walk me through this...ring ring ring

"Hey what's up?"

"I can't get the jogging stroller open."

"Shocker."

By the time I get the thing open I feel like I've already got my workout in for the day and contemplate just turning around and going home. As we are getting off the phone Isaac says...

"You think you can figure out how to close it back up when your done?"

"Of course I can. What do you think I am? Stupid?"

"..."

We get done with our run and I'm getting the baby back in the car and ready to tackle the stroller again. Note to new moms...no matter how many times you kick it, it's not going to close. Cursing the day I bought this stroller, I call Isaac back...

"Can I call you back I'm in a meeting?"

"Not unless you want to buy me another jogging stroller because I'm about to back this one over with my car."

"Can't figure out how to close it huh?"

"..."

Since that awful day at Mitch Park I've mastered opening and closing my strollers. I'm actually a pro at it. I can do it in no time flat. Which is why I had a breakdown last Friday. We get to the park and I'm getting the jogger out of the car and it WILL NOT OPEN. I do all the things I'm supposed to do. Nothing. It will not budge. Where is Rosie Pope when you need her? I kept waiting for Justin Bieber to run out and tell me I was on some version of Punked but for people that aren't famous.I kick it a few more times and am almost ready to give up when some nice jogger decides to help a sister out. So embarrassing.

To make matters worse I'm halfway around the park (roughly 3 miles) when my tire blows out. My fit of rage must have caused it to give out. Game over. I really enjoyed the rest of my 1.5 mile jog trying to push a stroller on 2 wheels. Uphill. With a 20lb baby. Touche stroller. Touche.





Band of Brothers

Yesterday while Levi was taking his nap I was trying to get some things done. I have a pretty basic routine which involves washing bottles, picking up Baltos hairballs, restarting the dryer because I don't feel like folding laundry. You know. The usual. I finished all my tasks and decided to check my emails. I have to check my email once every few hours or else I'm likely to miss something really important. For instance, yesterday I logged in at 11:45 and discovered my daily email from Gilt Group. Gilt Group is a website where you can get discounted designer duds for a fraction of the price. Every day at 11:30 they add new designers to the site. I was 15 minuets late checking the site and they had already sold out of the Missoni throw pillows I had my eye on. Cursing the beotches who stole my pillows, I moved on.

After sorting through my important emails and deciding I could live without anything on the Neiman Marcus Midday Dash I did a google search for 98 Degrees. Yes the 90's boy band 98 Degrees. (Side note: I would be really embarrassed if anyone ever checked my google history on my ipad. They would likely find things such as "What to do if your kid swallows a penny," or "Does the frozen yogurt diet really work?" "How many Ounces are in a Pound?") You get the picture. Back to 98 Degrees. I heard a rumor that they were reuniting and I couldn't wait to be the first the get my hands on some tickets. I didn't find any info about this reunion or an upcoming concert schedule but I did stumble upon this headline...

"MTV's fake boy band 2gether plots comeback"

If you don't remember 2gether they had dynamite hits such as "U + Me = Us" and "They hardest part of breaking up is getting back your stuff."

Hearing news about all these boy bands getting back together really has me reminiscing about the good ol' days. Every time I hear a boy band song from the 90's I am reminded of a memory that goes along with it. Boys to Men "End of the Road" is not only a breakup song made famous by Seth getting dumped on the show The OC but  is a song made popular by me getting dumped over a Yak Bak in middle school. A Yak Bak was something you could record your voice on and it would play it back to you with just the push of a button. Kind of like that thing McCauley Culkin uses in Home Alone but smaller. The nerve of that kid. Couldn't dump me to my face so he recorded his voice and had a friend deliver it to my devastated self. I played "End of the Road" on repeat until I got myself a new boyfriend.



Backstreet Boys "Everybody (Backstreets Back)" reminds me of making up ridiculous interpretive dances to the lyrics with some of my besties.

"Now throw your hands up in the air
Wave them around like you just don't care
If you wanna party let me hear you yell (yeahhh)
Cuz we got it goin' on again
Yeah"

Lyrical Geniouses

I was never a straight A student so you can imagine my excitement when 98 Degrees came out with "Give me just one night (Una Noche)." Who needs Spanish class when I had this little gem. All the Spanish I needed!

Don't worry. I didn't forget N*Sync. I'm drawing a blank on N*Sync memories from the past because I had a recent incident with them that is really embarrassing.  A few years ago around Christmas time I was still working in Fort Worth. I ran title for an oil and gas company so my job consisted of a lot of research. The title plant floor I work on in Fort Worth has a million computers where you can get documents/type reports so on. It also has lots of other companies up there doing work. Every once in awhile it would get really loud from people chit chatting or trying to figure out some screwy title so I would listen to my ipod to block out the sound. Like I said, it was Christmas time so obviously I was listening to N*Sync "Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays." You know that feeling you get when you think everyone around you is staring at you? They were. Apparently my headphones were not plugged in all the way and this lovely song was playing for everyone else in the rooms enjoyment. I know what your thinking. Wouldn't you be able to hear if the music was playing outside the headphones? My earbuds are kind of ghetto and the sound is always muffled. You better believe new headphones were on my Christmas list that year. I also asked Santa for my job back. (j/k).



Last night I made Isaac take me to get some frozen yogurt. We get in the car and I excitedly tell him I have a new favorite song I was going to play for him. He gave me the look like "This better not be another Selena Gomez song..." Don't worry. I didn't disappoint. Enjoy.

In case the link didn't work (as you are all well aware of my issues with technology), the song is "What makes you beautiful" by One Direction. Youtube it. My 12 year old self was all over this new boy band. Bravo Simon Cowell! Bravo!

Hold me closer Tony Danza

Everyone has done it. Your riding along in the car listening to the radio, really getting into the song and all of a sudden you belt out what you think are the song lyrics and your co-pilot politely informs you that you are sadly mistaken.

"What did you just say?"

"...She's got a tick in her eye but she don't care."

"I think the real lyrics are 'She's got a ticket to ride, but she don't care.'"

        "oh."

I do this a lot. Isaac and I like to play this game in the car where for every song lyric you flub you get a strike. 3 strikes and your out. Not physically out of the car (I would be walking everywhere), you just don't get to sing anymore. This makes for a very quiet car ride.

Elton John lyrics get me all the time. One time I was at Sipango with some friends and we were feeding the jukebox with requests. Being the big Elton John fan that I am I decided to play "Benny and the Jets." It was trivia night at Sipango and some creeper decides to join our table (much to our dismay). I think he actually lives at Sipango because I've only been there 3 times and every time I go he is always there making his rounds, hitting on anything that moves. So my song comes on and I'm singing along...

"Shes got electric boobs, a motor too

You know I read it in a magazine

B-B-B Benny and the Jets..."

The creeper looks at me and says...

 "You know that's not the right words don't you?"

Of course they were the right words. I know my Elton John. He then proceeds to tell me that the right lyrics are...

"Shes got electric boots, a mohair suit

You know I read it in a magazine

B-B-B Benny and the Jets."

"oh."

After this I was no longer worried about him sitting at our table and hitting on us. He was clearly not straight. 

Here are a few more examples of my embarrassing moments in singing.

Song: Queen-Bohemian Rhapsody

What I sing:“Scare a moose, scare a moose, will you do my fan Van Gogh?”

Actual Lyrics: “Scaramouche, scaramouche, will you do the fandango?”

Song: Toto- Africa

What I sing: "There's nothing that a hundred men on mars could ever do."

Actual Lyrics: There's nothing that a hundred men or more could ever do."

Song: Alanis Morissette- You oughta know

What I sing: "Its not fair to deny me of the cross-eyed bear that you gave to me..."

Actual Lyrics: It's not fair to deny me of the cross I bear that you gave to me..."

Song: Hanson: MmmBop

What I sing: MmmBop take your top off doowop duba doo doo wop

Actual Lyrics: Who the heck even knows

You get the picture.

Here's to riding in the car, one embarrassing song lyric at a time.

"Hold me closer Tony Danza"

"Um I think its 'Hold me closer Tiny Dancer.'"

"oh."